I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
