What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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