Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
