Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
