just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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