I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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