he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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