I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
