I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
