Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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