i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
