The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
