Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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