You don't have asthma, your pregnant
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My ass is underappreciated
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
