I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
