Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
