is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
