I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
