No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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