In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
