I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
