she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
