They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
