Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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