he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
