in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
