Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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