Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
