I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
