that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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