if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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