He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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