I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
