the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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