If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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