I don't remember. Are we still dating?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
