Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
