sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I skipped work to stalk him.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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