His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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