Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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