All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
