Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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