like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
