If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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