You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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