My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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