he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
