We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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