So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
