I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
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and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
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Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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