I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
