it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
