I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
how does that bad decision feel?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
