god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
