Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
