My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
