Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't turn off my feet"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
