I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize