this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
