Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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