I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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