Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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