Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
