Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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