his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
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there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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