Need sex. Gaining weight.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
