I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
