I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
