cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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