so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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