Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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