we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
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We have started to decorate penises.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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