he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
