TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
