Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
