highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This is my gift to your gina
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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