Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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