We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
