have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
