this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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