Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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