at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Let's paint friendship bongs
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.