Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
