Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.