East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
