Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"