I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
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Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
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God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is