i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
