my sisters under your porch take her home
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?