there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.