I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me