There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.