i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything